Posted on

Never Give Up

This is a beautiful story of hope, of angels, of love, and of never giving up. It is for those especially, who feel like they have gone too far, that there is no coming back. This is a testimony that there is always a way back! That our Savior can reach all who turn to Him in faith. When I read this, I was reminded once again that there are those we cannot see who are here rooting for us and doing what they can. Here is Cherie’s story in her own words:

I am bipolar. Lots of people may know the symptoms of depression, which are part of bipolar disorder. Bipolar people experience alternating depression and mania, which is less common. Symptoms of mania include:

  • Feeling abnormally upbeat, jumpy or wired
  • Increased activity, energy or agitation
  • Exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence (euphoria)
  • Decreased need for sleep
  • Unusual talkativeness
  • Racing thoughts
  • Distractibility
  • Poor decision-making — for example, going on buying sprees, taking sexual risks or making foolish investments

Basically, mania feels like your thoughts and impulses are completely out of control and you can’t think past your actions to their consequences. Manic people tend to do a lot of selfish and impulsive things that get them in trouble, which makes the following depressive episode that much more full of regret and despair.

I had a manic episode recently that took a large toll on my family and could have had very bad consequences for my life if it weren’t for the gospel, my sweet husband, and the healing power of the Savior’s atonement. I’m not an eloquent writer, but here is what I wrote at the time:

“I have been struggling for a long time. I had a manic episode after taking celexa even with lamictal 200mg daily. I got too into the gym. I got into the best shape of my life and it felt great but I started to obsess over it. I started talking to a guy there and got attached. I did stuff that was very wrong. I forgot that I loved [my husband] Andrew. I got used to Andrew and lost any kind of connection. I said horribly mean and shallow things to him. I was embarrassed of him. I didn’t want him to “mess up” what I had at the gym. I just felt nothing for him and despised him for holding me back. I love my kids.

After a lot of discussion, we decided divorce was the only way to get out of this trapped arrangement that both of us were completely miserable in. We told the kids and they fell apart. It was awful. It was the worst feeling in the world. I couldn’t stand to see them crying and feeling so alone. We felt like we just couldn’t do that to them.

I read my patriarchal blessing to try to get some answers about what I was expected to do about Andrew. It did not sound like me at all. I was very depressed. I started to doubt the church for the first time in my life because I thought there was no way I could ever be the person in my blessing so something must not be true. I felt suicidal at times. So did Andrew. I called people in my family who had been through divorce and my parents and closest friends to get advice. I explained that I didn’t love Andrew romantically and didn’t want to pretend to be happy with him out of obligation. I saw him as a brother. He was so sweet to me through all of this. He held on when I pushed him away so blatantly and without emotion. He went to his family for advice and out of love for him, they supported divorce if that’s what we chose. I was truly abusing him and realized that our relationship had always been very one-sided. He serves me constantly and I just felt above him. He loves me so much.

We both knew that if we separated, I would spiral into a dark place without the gospel and eventually regret my choices. Andrew could not let that happen. I didn’t know which option was worse and kept telling myself that maybe it would be ok or at least better than a marriage without love. We talked to the bishop in Maricopa. He was so understanding and supportive. He showed us nothing but love. Andrew went to the temple seeking guidance and had an experience in which he felt that his grandparents as well as my grandpa Eddington were all there in spirit. Grandpa pleaded with him not to let go of his Cherie.

We went to counseling and discovered that my not being able to connect during intimacy was the result of the rape I experienced at 17 years old. I had been going emotionally numb every time and blocking him out to protect myself. I didn’t believe that could ever change. I got very discouraged and wanted to give up on trying to be happy with Andrew but I kept reading about how in the end of the Book of Mormon the Nephites were left to themselves because they had rejected Christ and He no longer sanctified their actions or guided their choices. They began to fall. Hard. I knew that could happen to me and was terrified because I know I am shy and struggling to get a preceptor for my PMHNP program and need so much help for life in general.

I kept going to therapy and they did retro-therapy to change the rape in my mind. I felt different afterwards but I wasn’t sure what it would translate to in my relationship. It took weeks for anything to happen. Every day was a painful struggle trying to be patient and have faith. My medications had to be changed a few times because depakote gave me a rash and 2 anticonvulsants together really messed up my folate metabolism. It was a long process trying to do everything I could in the secular sense to get my mind in the right place.

I prayed that I could love Andrew. I needed to. I also prayed that I could be healed from the terrible damage the rape had left me with. I cried a lot. I knew that God loved me and wanted to believe things could improve but nothing happened for a long time. I was constantly second-guessing but I just stayed. I kept thinking and wondering and hoping and praying. Then one day it just clicked. I connected with Andrew. I felt something. I felt a lot actually. It was a rush of the Spirit and of love. Love for Andrew and an overwhelming sense of love from God for me. I felt that the Atonement was healing me. I can’t describe how amazing I felt. I remembered loving Andrew. Maybe I loved him more. I was suddenly so, so happy and appreciative that he didn’t let go and for everything sweet he did for me during that hard time.

We had a move to Gilbert in the works. Our bishop called the new one and told him about us and that we were coming. We texted the elder’s quorum president with only 2 hours notice that we would be unloading the truck and 20 guys showed up to help. Kate also came to take the kids to the park so we could work. Everyone was so nice and welcoming. 5 people brought us food within the first day here. Church was amazing. Almost everyone is our age and so down to earth. So many people offered help with whatever we need and were genuinely interested in getting to know us. We went out to dinner with Jana and her family across the way the very first night we were here. The bishop was at an airport when he heard we were moving in and was probably concerned that he couldn’t be there to help, then saw how much help we got and was so glad that his ward had welcomed us like that. He teared up when telling the story.

I feel like everything is meant to be and will be amazing. I feel like we are being treated as ‘the one’ like Grandpa would have wanted. I think he may have pulled some strings. There are so many tender mercies happening and I feel like this is a whole new leaf and everything will be ok and so much better. Blessings are pouring out and I think it’s because we were patient through our very difficult trial. My limited faith turned into a miracle so much bigger than I could have ever imagined. This is only the 3rd day here and I feel like things are going to be amazing. I hope I can do my part to accept new friendships and give back however I can. I also hope that I can keep the spirit and this love for Andrew in my heart all the time. It’s such a contrast; it is unbelievable.

Posted on

Chicken Spaghetti

Alright y’all. This one is definitely one of my top 5 favorite meals, both to make and to eat. It’s easy, delicious, tastes like home, FAST. Seriously, one of the best meals to know how to make.

As per usual, feel free to have some give and take with these ingredients! I have listed what I did the last time I made it.

Ingredients

  • Pasta (1/2 lb.)
  • Chicken (1 breast)
  • Onions (1/2 yellow or white)
  • Celery (2-5 stalks, depending on how many veggies you still need to get your servings for the day 😜)
  • Olives (1/2 can chopped, or sliced)
  • Cream of Chicken Soup (1 can)
  • Shredded Cheese (1/2 cup)
They love to help cut the olives!

Instructions

Cut chicken into bite sized pieces and cook in a frying pan.

Sauté the onions and celery and start the pasta.

Put the chicken and veggies together in the pan as well as one can of cream of chicken soup, including most of the can of water. *I add it a little at a time until it has reached the consistency I want which is often based on what pasta I use.

When the soup is all warm, add the olives and a handful of shredded cheese.

Once the pasta is done, I like to add it to my soup mixture.

It is a wonderful and easy meal! I hope you enjoy!

While I usually use spaghetti, egg noodles were fun.
Posted on

Breaking the Monotony: Indoor Camping

A lot of times, when I find myself in a funk, it is because I seem to be doing the same things over and over. Change is good for me, I am one of those personalities that THRIVES on change. My husband? He could eat the same things every day, do the same things every day and be ok. However, when I start to get that way I get bored and depressed.

And I TELL. YOU. WHAT. I may have not been as affected by the quarantine business as much others because I live a fairly isolated life to begin with, but it is taking its toll. (BLESS YOU MOTHERS WHOSE LIVES HAVE BEEN TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN) Not only have we been confined TO our own house, but it has been raining for so long that we have been confined IN our house. No walks or yard work or playing outside. I have truly begun to feel very much quarantined and in a funk with little to look forward too.

The solution is quite simple though: change it up!

Before when this would happen, I could plan a date with the hubby, or a vacation in the future. This time, however, not only can I NOT plan outings, I had to cancel some I was very much looking forward too.

But I truly am on a mission to fight my down days. So I decided yesterday that instead of succumbing to the depression that was creeping in, I was going to do something fun today: INDOOR CAMPOUT.

(Ok, so the idea may have come when I needed a good bribe to get my kids to stay in their beds, but I was also motivated by the monotony).

Instead of all the work for packing up, finding a place to camp, or even setting up a tent in our backyard (which we couldn’t do anyway because it is so wet) we decided to just do it in the comfort of our own home. But we didn’t just put up a tent to sleep in, we decided to plan things to make the whole evening different and fun. It included:

  • Tin-Foil Dinners in the oven
  • Set up a tent in the kids room
  • Play the game: Camp
  • As well as Don’t Eat Pete
  • Finish off with oven s’mores, stories, and songs (we video called some family in for this part)

Now, the kids are still awake WAY past their bedtime and the house is a little messy but I think we made some good memories tonight! And if nothing else, today was different than yesterday.

For details and recipes, click below!

Tin Foil Dinner Recipe

Don’t Eat Pete Download

Oven S’mores

Posted on

Tin Foil Dinners

One of my favorite things about camping is tin foil dinners cooked in the fire. The combination of flavors mixed with the cool mountain air and sounds of a river are a happy place for me.

I love making them to cook over a fire or on a grill, but they can also be made in your oven.

I am sure there are a million different ways to make them, but here’s what we do!

Ingredients
  • Ground Beef
  • Cream of Mushroom soup
  • Onions
  • Potatoes
  • Carrots
  • Garlic Salt
  • Onion Powder
  • Pepper
Instructions
  • First I cut the carrots, potatoes, and onions into bite sized pieces *if you want it to cook quicker, slice the carrots and potatoes thinner
  • Lay out the tin foil that has been cut about 18″ long.
  • Lay a spoonful of the soup in the center of the foil
  • Place a ground beef patty on top and season
  • Add another spoonful of soup on top of that
  • Put the veggies on top of the soup
  • Roll up the foil and flatten a little bit to help it cook evenly.

When they are all rolled and ready to go, place them in the fire or grill. Depending on how hot your fire is, they can take anywhere from 20-40 minutes. I usually determine that mine is done by checking the meat pinkness and carrot tenderness.

If you are cooking yours at home, cook them on a sheet in an oven that was preheated to 375 degrees for 45 minutes, flipping them at 25 minutes.

They were so fun and delicious! Hope you enjoy!

Posted on

PLAY: Storytelling/Narrative

Just in time to announce the children’s book giveaway winner! Check the social media pages!

This is one of my children’s FAVORITE ways to spend time! They love listening to any story and could read books forever.

Once they understand a story, it starts to come out in their play. They begin to create their own stories. It gives me such a glimpse into they way they view the world. Sometimes it’s a little embarrassing to see how they view “mom” 😬 (You know, when they are pretending to be mom and they start yelling at their kids).

The following is another excerpt from the National Institute for Play:

“Storytelling, the way most kids love to learn, is, when under the play microscope, identified as the unit of human intelligibility.

Making sense of the world, its parts and one’s particular place in it is a central aspect of early development. And as we grow, the constancy of stories that enliven and help us understand ourselves and others, from a parent’s telling how it was when they were young, to media-driven stories like Big Bird’s rants to Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon yarns; all involve us in a never ending fun-giving experience. They give us permission to expand our own inner stream of consciousness, enrich our personal narratives with pleasure and fun as our own life stories unfold. “What is the current movie of your life?” If it has comedic overtones, it is likely that your play quiver is more than half full.”

Every day is a great day to read to your children! It is a great day to tell them stories, both real and fictional. It is through these stories that we can teach them choices and consequences, right versus wrong, how to persevere.

This storytelling and narrative play is STILL important, and once again, a coping strategy for even us adults. In my darkest days, I have taken great comfort in stories I have heard of my ancestors. I have an incredible heritage of people who accomplished amazing things amid hardship. This past summer (2019) I spent some time at home when I was struggling with suicidal thoughts, and one of those days my grandma (who passed away shortly after this), out of the blue, began to read to me from her journal stories from her past, when she was a mother of young children, when she was depressed and how she pressed forward. That story is one I have leaned back on time and time again!

It really is hard to overestimate the importance of this pattern of play. I hope that you can incorporate it into your lives as adults as well as in the lives of your children!

Here are some great ways to include narrative play into your days:

  • Read books
  • Write books!
  • Perform a play
  • Create a puppet show
  • Take turns telling a story: you begin, have your child add, and keep taking turns until the end
  • Watch a movie and discuss what is happening both during and after the show
  • Discuss morals and lessons found in the stories you read/share
  • Read an excerpt from one of your journals
  • Create journals for your children’s own stories: if they are old enough, have them begin to write one, or start writing one for the kids that are too young

Today I was little late on everything, but it was because I myself had gotten into a book and just didn’t want to put it down! I am so glad that my parents instilled in me a love for stories.

Posted on

PLAY: Creative

Our ability to create is what drives our world forward. Without creation, there is no progress, and that ability to create is fostered from the very beginning!

As I have studied these patterns for play, I have found within them so many coping strategies! This one in particular. I personally have found so much peace and strength in creating.

First it was the paintings- I found peace in creating beauty out of the chaos of watercolor. (The fruits of which can be found in my shop).

Most recently I have found it in creating a beautiful back yard through hard, physical labor.

There have been many other projects in between.

Each project starts with an idea-my imagination. And the ability to create is taking an idea and making it a reality. If we can help foster this skill in our young ones, they will be so much better for the world! They will have the ability to change it.

Here are some great ways to create with your kiddos!

  • Any form of artwork: chalk, clay or play-doh molding, painting, etc.
  • Write and direct or perform a play
  • Baking!
  • Outdoor scavenger hunt-create something will objects found outside
  • Seasonal Decor: Shamrocks, Easter bunny, Jack-o-lanterns
  • LEGOs

Today is the last day to enter the giveaway! Don’t forget!

Posted on

PLAY: Imaginative and Pretend

My most favorite pattern of play!

I knew my daughter was going places when I found her playing with my nail polish, pretending they were people. That was the beginning of a long and very rich life of pretend for her. I mentioned before, she gets so into the story that she has created that she gets offended when other people are not in on it too:

“I am NOT LINA, I am MARY.”

Now, she has taught her 2 year old brother all her tricks and they have so much fun! Just today alone they have gone camping, played Frozen 2 and Frozen 54 (I myself played both Anna and a rock giant), built cereal bowls and made breakfast, put objects to bed, talked to grandma on the phone, given mom a haircut (FOR PRETEND)… the list could go on.

*I LOVE her reaction when I play pretend too. It seems to surprise her a little bit, but then she gets the biggest smile and gets even more excited about playing. If ever you and your kid are on rough terms, try jumping into whatever world they are in and see how it changes their demeanor: “can I have a piece of cake, chef Lina?”

**Also try using their pretend names to get them to cooperate. My children aren’t always excited to help me clean or do dishes, unless of course I call them “Cinderella.”

In case this image confuses you: all of those cars have been put to bed and tucked in with blocks as their blankets.

Sometimes, especially when they want me to call them by different names or use objects for things they’re not supposed to be used for, I want to correct them. We as adults think that truth and reality are more important than they really are to these young kids. Yes, they are important, but so is a child’s ability to pretend.

“The ability of the young child to create their own sense of their mind, and that of others, takes place through pretend play, which continues to nourish the spirit throughout life, and remains key to innovation and creativity. Deprivation studies uphold the importance of this pattern of play, as understanding and trusting others and developing coping skills depends on its presence.”

National Institute For Play

The absolute best part about imaginative play is that you can have successful play with ANYTHING. You can spend lots of money on fancy toys, but it doesn’t even matter. I often find Lina playing kitchen on a bed or a chair instead of the fancy pretend kitchen we got for her.

Here are some ways to incorporate this kind of play:

  • Play “House” or “Family” -pick roles and play out daily lives
  • Dress Up (Towels are great for hair, capes, skirts, etc.)
  • Make pretend instruments and play them
  • Do “pretend” chores (if your smart you will give them real rags 😉)
  • Create a zoo with stuffed animals and attend
  • Build a vehicle of some sort–boat, rocket ship, car– and travel somewhere new!
  • Pick a favorite movie and create new stories by acting them out
  • Let them be doctors
  • Draw a scene and make up a story to go with it
  • Write a book!

Have some fun with this! Anything can be anything. Having an imagination is so important developmentally! So much of the coping I have done as an adult has used my imaginative skills: visualizing, changing a fearful situation into an ok reality, self talk.

Especially in times as uncertain as they are today, let the imaginations and pretend play take our children to worlds that are stress free, safe and fun! They don’t need the cares of the world on their shoulders.

Posted on

End of the World?

Many years ago I read a scripture in Peter about the last days that really struck me: “And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation (2 Peter 3:4).” I realized that I could not imagine a day where I woke up and things were different. 

Every day I woke up, ate breakfast, went to school or church, spent time with family, etc.  

More or less I knew what each day would look like. I could not comprehend a day when I woke up to a different world.

And yet here we are. 8 days ago I went shopping at Sam’s Club getting the usual grub. Except, actually I sent my husband who ended up spending way more than I would’ve. Bless that spend-happy man.  🙏

That was 8 DAYS AGO. Before the world shut down. Everyday we joke about how wild the world is. How different things are. I see jokes, I see people sharing kindness, I see everyone dealing with these crazy circumstances in a million different ways.

Then I woke up today, getting a little bit used to this wild world, to hear that my Utah family was in an EARTHQUAKE.

Really? Wait…. REALLY??? 

Just insane.

If this last week has taught me anything, it is that everything CAN change overnight. The whole world changed everything in A WEEK. And sure, I’ve heard that the virus might somehow have been a result of someone’s choices. But the earthquake? There is no way that could be political. 

And while life is crazy, I haven’t been scared at all. Yes, me, the freak-out-at-a-semi-passing-us-in-a-car lady. 

Perhaps it is because I am practiced at managing anxiety (although this level of crazy is a WHOLE NEW LEVEL). But I attribute it to my faith in the reality of the Lord’s second coming and in the Gift of the Holy Ghost who prompted us to shop THE DAY BEFORE it got crazy, and in a prophet that I can trust with my whole heart to prepare us better than anyone else.  I am so thankful for living prophets who have, very proactively, prepared us for this! (If you’d like a list of things he’s done to prepare us, lemme know).

Guys, if you don’t know about him, learn! It will change everything, and you can feel peace in this time of turmoil. 

I know that there is a great chance that this will all blow over, and it will just be a weird time in history. It probably isn’t THE END, but it doesn’t really matter. We can handle anything that’s coming.

“If ye are prepared ye shall not fear” (D&C 38:30).

I’ve got plenty of work to do, I’m not as prepared as I should be. But at least I know something is coming and I feel like that is half the battle. 

Posted on

PLAY: Social

This pattern of play is a bit tricky during these times. Team sports, play dates, school recess, all of these obvious social play situations have been banned in many of our areas. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t still be social!

Some great ways to keep your children social during this isolation include:

  • Video call a family member or friend
  • Write a letter or card to someone
  • Play with a sibling! Board games, musical chairs, cakewalks, etc. Anything to get them interacting with each other. (Hint: video games aren’t very socially interactive)
  • Marco Polo is a great app!

Being social, especially right now, is SO IMPORTANT! It helps build emotional connections, something that the world is lacking, badly. Now, as our distractions are limited, is a great opportunity for us to relate to one another and get to know each other better. If there is anything this world needs, now more than ever, I believe it is human connection.

So go and make those connections today!

Posted on

PLAY: Object

The links in this post are affiliate links and I receive a small commission from them.

I could go on and on about this type of play! In the last couple of months, my children have become masters at playing with their toys. Up to this point I feel like they were interested in anything BUT the toys we bought for them.

However, Object Play is more than just playing with toys. It is learning to manipulate, build and fix objects.

Along with other special patterns of play, the curiosity about and playing with “objects” is a pervasive innately fun pattern of play, and creates its own “states” of playfulness. Early on, toys take on highly personalized characteristics, and as skills in manipulating objects (i.e., banging on pans, skipping rocks, etc.) develop, the richer become the circuits in the brain. Hands playing with all types of objects help brains develop beyond strictly manipulative skills, with play as the driver of this development.

National Institute for Play

I will post links to my favorite toys that promote object play at the bottom of the post, but I want to share one of the BEST things I ever did with my kiddo!

We built some bunkbeds together, the kids helped me sand and paint them. But with all of that we had lots and lots of extra little blocks.

First, I let the kids paint the blocks. I only had ugly gray and black paint, but it turns out they didn’t really care! They had a great time painting and making a mess. I enjoyed watching them 🙂

After these blocks were all dry I thought it would be fun to do some string art. So I bought the little nails and pulled out the hammer we had. I put in a couple nails but something came up and I got distracted.

A little while later I came in to see my 3 year old daughter hammering away! She did a great job at hammering in the little nails. When she filled her own block she even started on her brother’s.

My first thoughts when I walked in on her were definitely all the ways she could hurt herself and that I had neglected her. But this experience taught me that kids are WAAAYYY more capable than we give them credit and if we give them the chance to learn they become so much more independent then if we do everything for them.

Semi-supervised, she hammered nails into that block for at least an hour. She was learning what would happen when she tilted the nail or missed it with the hammer. She was figuring out how much force was required to get the nail in. Her fine motor skills definitely improved after that experience.

In the end, she used the nails to wrap string around.

I love that all this took was some random, left over block.

Here are some toy-free object play ideas:

  • Cups or a pitcher in water
  • Pots and pans drum set
  • Tupperware stacking
  • Hammering nails
  • Screwing screws (for the little bit older kids)
  • Recycling- late them play with boxes!
  • Scavenger Hunt- send the kids outside with a list of objects to look for! Then turn them into a craft.
  • Crafts: This Box has been SO FUN at our house!

Here are my FAVORITE toys for object play:

All our linked to the product on Amazon. I receive a commission for any purchases.

There literally are ENDLESS fun toys for object play for any age! If you have favorites be sure to comment.