It has been my goal to read scriptures before doing any work and a couple days ago I had just sat down and pulled out my scriptures when my thoughts began going everywhere. Somehow, once again, they turned to my nursery (why is it always the nursery? No clue).
I looked at the bookshelf there and thought about where it had been just a couple weeks ago–up against a different wall acting as a platform for all our junk. The whole room was a disaster: garbage on the floor, boxes of things we just didn’t want to go through, and everything we didn’t want our company to see. Chaos reigned.
Then I saw it for what it is today and felt gratitude for the progress. The room is still far from where I hope to get it, but it has become such a different, new room. I can vacuum! The bookshelf is now home to important papers, pens and pencils, a sewing machine, etc. and the floor is no longer a dumping ground.
There is more order.
That order didn’t come from throwing everything away. We were able to completely remove a lot of stuff that we had been carrying around for a while: unnecessary papers, broken crayons, scented wax cubes we’ve had for five years, etc.
However, some stuff in there now was a part of the mess before but has been put in a place where it can belong without adding to chaos.
I soon caught my mind wandering and went to the task at hand: reading my scriptures. I looked down and read a verse that reminded me to “remember what the Lord hath done.”
Instantly, I saw that room as me. I remembered the awful, chaotic, full of junk state my mind was in. I thought of the panic attacks, the feelings of anger and despair and loneliness. I thought of the darkness of the depression and the suicidal thoughts.
But I don’t live in THAT room anymore. With help from some incredible family members, doctors, therapists, friends, and most of all my Savior, Jesus Christ, I have been able to organize some of that mess. I have been able to throw away unnecessary expectations that caused unneeded stress and anxiety.
There are things I cannot throw away, and will never be able to, but I’ve got a bookshelf now with some experiences put where they need to be, some forgiveness finally picked up off of the ground, tools to help me keep it organized.
There is still a LONG way to go, but I am SO grateful for that glimpse— to see light again, and to finally be able to recognize growth. I am most importantly thankful for a Savior that bought that bookshelf and takes away the garbage.
