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Flying With Kids

I have had a couple requests to share my ideas for flying with littles.

We have flown several times with children. Sheldon and I first flew with Adelina when she was a two and a half month old (and she was a CRANKY 2-month-old, let me tell you). We flew from California to Utah together but I returned with just Adelina. We flew with Sawyer when he was about 4 months old. Then we flew to Denver and back with both kids at 3 and 1 (with a layover). Since then I have flown 3 times WITH kids and WITHOUT Sheldon.

4 out of 9 of those trips were just the kids and me, and I STILL LOVE TO FLY! Flying with kids has become a fun adventure for all of us. Each trip we have learned a few more things. Here are the things I wish I had known from the beginning:

CHECK-IN

The less stuff you have to haul through security and the airport, the better. I try to check as much stuff as possible. I only keep out a diaper or two, snacks, spit rags, and a FEW entertainments. I know flying with kids makes you want to pack it all and the kitchen sink, DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE TEMPTATION. It will make the trip much smoother if you can fit everything into bags that can be easily carried. I cannot stress this enough. It is so stressful when they change your gate and you have to run across the airport carrying 3 bags – because your kids refuse to carry theirs – and stuff is falling out of your diaper bag. Just don’t do it.

Carseats and Strollers

I like to check my carseats with the suitcase. They usually put them in a nice plastic bag for you and whisk them away, all free of charge. You can do this with your stroller too. My stroller, however, I like to keep with me until the plane ( “gate check”). Strapping kids into it can make maneuvering through crowds much easier! You won’t have to carry any of your bags. And if you are in a hurry you can actually move quickly, rather than dragging little legs behind you. Keep the stroller.

Sometimes they’ll give you a tag when you check in at the counter, but I often take my stroller all the way to the gate and ask for one there. Be sure to ask for one BEFORE they call for boarding (more on this later). Or you may have to wait until everyone has boarded..not fun.

TSA

Going through security with children can be SO STRESSFUL. But here are some things you should know:

  1. Food and drink requirements are DIFFERENT if you’re traveling with children. Applesauce packets are fine, you can bring breastmilk in small portions, children’s ibuprofen, etc. I put all my food items in a ziploc bag when packing and I pull it out to place in a tray separately, like shoes. TELL the officers that you have it. They will almost always screen the formula powder separately and will sometimes screen other food too.
  2. Kids can keep their shoes on. You still can’t.
  3. The stroller has to be screened as well. If it can fold and fit on the belt they usually prefer that: if not, they screen it later. Be sure not to grab it until someone says it’s okay.
  4. General TSA stuff: Tablets need to be pulled out and placed separately, but phones do not.

9 times out of 10 the TSA officers are kind, understanding, and helpful. If you happen to get one that is less than kind, just remember that they are doing their job to keep us safe and a jerk probably yelled at them for something dumb 10 minutes ago. True or not, it helps me not get offended or hurt!

In the Airport

If things went as planned and you got to the airport 2 hours early and security was smooth, you will likely have time to kill while waiting.

To-Do: Essentials

Get a tag for your stroller. They put it on the stroller so you can identify it after the flight and you can just ask the people behind the desk at your gate.

Fill water bottles – don’t forget the baby bottle for the formula! Also, for the older kids, it’s hard to find white milk in airport stores. We had to do strawberry milk once.

Go to the bathroom – if you are traveling with a potty trained child with a small bladder I recommend just putting them in a pull up. It’s safer than stressing about going potty when they can’t.

To-Do: For fun!

Eat a snack or two

Watch the airplanes fly in!

Play “I Spy”

I try to find a less crowded area with the kids, usually an unused gate nearby. They seem to be able to sense the anxiety in the air when it’s crowded and people are lining up and it can just be a lot for them.

Inflight

Now comes the fun part! Sometimes you have lots of time to fill before the plane even takes off. I use this time to get bags where I want and can reach them, we talk about expectations and I get them excited for the flight itself. Some dialogue like the following:

“I am so excited for take off! We go really, really fast and then you can feel us IN THE AIR! It is so amazing.”

“Sometimes, when we fly through the clouds, it gets really bumpy like a roller coaster. It will be okay though! If you are scared you can hold my hand, or the arm rest.”

The trick here, I believe, is to never let them catch a whiff of anxiety on you. Let’s be honest, especially your first time, that may be the most overwhelming feeling, but if you can “be strong for them” and just put on a face of confidence for a little while, they will fare so much better. And soon, you will FEEL better too.

Takeoff

Take off really is so fun. It will never get old to me. As the airplane climbs though, the pressure can hurt the little one’s ears. I usually breastfeed at this point- not only does it relieve the pressure in the ears, but it also puts them to sleep, resulting in less stress. Bottles work great as well. For older kids I give them a snack. I’ve heard that suckers help as well. I haven’t done suckers – they can be really messy with my kids – but any chewing and swallowing helps! This can also be a good bribery point. “Once we take off, you get to have a snack!”

Honestly, I don’t think my kids have ever complained about ears. I know it bothers the infants, but mine have always done well to just drink or breastfeed.

In Flight Entertainment

Books are a mom’s best friend in the flight. Is there a child alive who doesn’t enjoy being read to by their parents? I could sit and read to them for hours and they wouldn’t fuss. They only take a tiny bit of room in a bag, too. This worked better with a 2 and 4 year old than when I had an infant as well, infants make that a challenge.

Coloring books are fun, but I recommend the triangle crayons! They don’t roll.

Screens work. I got some awesome toddler headphones (like these in the shop) that can connect to each other and they are fantastic! We downloaded lots of fun apps and a few movies. What more do you need? In fact, this last flight when I had all three kids to myself, this was a LIFE SAVER. I didn’t have any books (my bad!) and I couldn’t do much to entertain them because my baby was a lot.

As far as snacks go, my favorites include: granola bars, non-crumbly crackers like wheat thins, puffs for the babies, applesauce pouches, goldfish. Really anything your kids like that they can manage without making a huge mess. Now that I think about it, a couple of tortillas would be a good idea with mine! They love eating them and they would take some time.

Snacks to avoid: crumbly crackers like Ritz, cereal bars with jelly in the middle that break, bottles that can spill, etc.

Cleanup

The ziploc I packed the snacks in becomes our inflight garbage which is so nice to have! I also keep wipes easily accessible. Honestly though, there is no way they plane will be left spotless and that is okay. Just do your best!

Flying with kids really can be a fun experience for everyone. There are usually nice people who will think your kids are adorable. Don’t worry about noise, the planes themselves are noisy enough that it blocks out a lot of sound. And no matter what, the flight does eventually end!

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Memorial

My son is buried in an unmarked grave.

At first I chose that course because I didn’t want to make a huge fuss. My mother delivered a still born son that was whisked away from her without even a second thought of a proper burial. So, why would mine deserve anything else? At least I was getting a graveside service.

That decision was made before I knew much about grieving. I didn’t know how I would long to have something, ANYTHING besides the hole in my heart to prove his existence. The cemetery is full oheadstones, each one representing a LIFE. No one would know I had a baby there.

During one visit I had the thought: I cannot be the only one who feels this way.

So I had the great idea of putting a memorial for all the infants buried there without a headstone. I got permission from the city and started doing some research. Before too long the process was stopped so that someone who needed an Eagle Scout project could do it.

but I had friends that had lost babies. They had headstones. They had places to take flowers and families. They had photos of their lifeless babies. Some had mini shrines, a testimony of their love.

I began to feel like I had made the wrong choice. Did my choice mean I loved him less than they loved their children? If I had loved him would I be doing more? I was jealous and sad and felt like my pain was not big enough, and that it was not small enough at the same time. What was the appropriate amount of attention to bring to this situation?
My heart said he deserved the world. He deserved a whole life full of love and laughter and chocolate, all the good things.
So why didn’t I even give him a headstone?!

Bless my therapist who asked me: WHY? Why does it matter? Do you think he cares if he has a headstone? Does he care if the world knows he existed? Would he be sad to know that someone walked through the cemetery and didn’t know he was there? Um no.

It took some time to change my thought processes, but because I was brought to that awareness, I realized that all that stuff wasn’t about him at all, it was about me. He isn’t hurting because he doesn’t have a headstone. I needed to realize that so that I could forgive myself. I no longer suffer with regret for not doing more. There are many ways in which he has altered the course of our lives and we do our best to show gratitude.

There is no right way to do this sort of thing. I do not love my son any less than those who have done more.

Last year when I was struggling so deeply, a friend of mine came to my parents house where I was staying and showed me the plans her son had made for a memorial to be placed in that part of the cemetery.

I sobbed. It was as though he was giving me a gift (through my friend), now that I understood it wasn’t about him, it is about me.

I took my family to see it for the first time. Now I can sit there! And though others may not recognize it as representing someone’s life, I do. And I hope there are other mothers and fathers and friends who can feel that that bench is for them too.

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Epidural

I have kind of a strange relationship with epidurals. I suppose that the fact that I have one at all is strange.

My first pregnancy I was scared to death of an epidural. I had started the hypnobirthing course because nothing about an epidural sounded like a good idea. Huge needles in my back? That could paralyze me? (I have since learned that that is impossible these days), give me headaches, again-huge needle IN MY BACK. No thank you. I was only going to get one if the pain really was bad enough that that option sounded better and I honestly doubted that it would.

But then I was told that I would be delivering a dead baby NOW. I didn’t get 9 months to prepare. I was told that in a moment when I was in so much physical pain that I broke mentally and emotionally. I could not even pee without every muscle involved screaming in protest. Like, not the burning uti pain, but pain receptors I didn’t know existed in muscles and organs I didn’t think could hurt.

I had broken ribs, broken thumb (which causes more trouble than you’d think), bruised arms and apparently bruised every organ inside my body. The thought of GIVING BIRTH under those circumstances was not even fathomable. I was going to die.

So when I was forced to make that decision, it was an easy one.

Don’t be deceived, it was not perfect. The nurse anesthetist gave me some narcotics before beginning (hallelujah) maybe because of the bruising, maybe because he could tell I was terrified. Either way I’m thankful.

After that I don’t remember a lot of details. This is do remember- my blood pressure dropped to a number I didn’t think was possible. To get it up fast they put my IV drop all the way to the ceiling. Then I got a crazy headache but I couldn’t stop shaking. (You’d think these memories would bring back fear or dread or something. They don’t. This was probably the least traumatic part of that whole weekend 😂). Suddenly I had ice on my head and lots of heated blankets everywhere else. Sheldon was rubbing my head. That’s about all I remember. Maybe I was nauseous?

But then it worked! For the first time in 72 hours my whole body wasn’t in so much pain! Coughing still hurt everything above, but nothing below! Maybe I should note that I was recovering from the flu, so coughing was a part of that weekend too- that was a HUGE relief. I could laugh if the chance arose. I wasn’t required to sit myself up. I could relax for the first time in days- literally. I didn’t have to pee in pain. No one was forcing me to get up and walk in pain. They were doing everything they could to relieve as much of the pain as possible and they were the first to do so. I just got to lay there. I seriously could still cry of joy just thinking about the amount of peace that epidural brought me. There are no words. I have never loved a doctor more nor been more grateful for God-given medical procedure. It saved my life.

So yes, I have gotten an epidural all 4 times I’ve labored. Maybe I feel a moral obligation to the thing that saved my life, I don’t know. But I’ve loved them all! Rather than spending my labor trying to mentally escape the pain so I can endure, I am brought to a place of peace before the storm, a place where I can mentally and emotionally be present. I CAN focus on the pain (mine always leaves plenty), and the movements of my baby, the work they are doing, I can think about the process and the spirits who are undoubtedly surrounding me. I can have conversations with my baby that I’m about to hold, I can feel my Jax who started this whole relationship with epidurals, I can feel grateful.

Maybe one day I’ll try the natural route, I hear it’s pretty awesome, but I’m afraid that sacred moment of peace would be taken away, that focusing on my breathing or other endurance techniques would blind me from the minuscule moments I find so beautiful. Although, no doubt something just and special and beautiful would would take their place. No woman can bring a child into this world without a sacred moment.

*Disclaimer: labor is not all sunshine and rainbows with an epidural. My first experience was one of stark contrast. It doesn’t take away all the pain-I still cried through my back labor even that first time. It doesn’t take away the need for your body to push the baby out-literally the same amount of physical work is involved (W=FxD) whether you have an epidural or not. It doesn’t take away the nausea, or the glorious, unspeakable moment of holding that perfect baby in the end, or the recovery afterward.

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After the Fall

This past week I had a whole lot of emotions.

I had made the choice to stop taking my medicine for reasons not understood by medical professionals and other around me. I was doing so great! And feeling really good about that decision.

Then when I mentioned it all to my therapist, she kind of freaked out-and rightly so-my decision was not completely based on scientific/medical evidences. But I was also diagnosed with another mental illness and I emotionally took a blow. I was doubting my progress, my spirituality, any happy spells. I felt like I would never be free, that my life would always be an existence to view through depression glasses. And it broke my heart.

I was in the midst of these feelings when I received a book from my incredibly insiteful sister:

AFTER THE FALL.

I cannot tell you all that is in there, but know that if you are dealing with depression, PTSD, or mental illness in general, you should read this book. It is short and sweet, and very powerful. Even my dear Sheldy teared up, knowing how bogged down I was feeling.

*As an Amazon Associate, I receive commission from qualified purchases

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Chores… Jobs… Chores

Several years ago, my family had a blog. My oldest siblings were all fairly close in age which resulted in many of them having similar experiences at the same time, many of which were written about on the blog. They were young parents together with all the challenges that come with the “first ones”. I am on the latter end of the children and have the blessing of watching and learning from them! This is a post written several years ago, but I found it again today and felt like it was just what I needed to read! I love the different ideas on getting help around the house. I am hoping y’all can enjoy it as well! -Kiana

Growing up, we always called our responsibilities “jobs” instead of chores. I’m not sure why, but it seemed that calling them “jobs” made them less horrible.  While our friends had to go home and do “chores”, we just had to do our jobs.

The first jobs I remember doing were ironing Dad’s handkerchiefs (with a very cool iron), folding washcloths and towels, and washing and drying dishes.  Scrubbing our little kitchen floor on hands and knees was a fun one too. I couldn’t have been than five years old when mom included me.  She must have known it would take so long to teach me responsibility!

To me, one of the most memorable attempts Mom used to get us to help around the house was a simple poster board. She had drawn a picture of a house on it, and each window was a little envelope with our pictures on them. When we came home from school, we were in charge of the jobs in our envelope. As I got older, the poster board ideas weren’t so cool, and Mom just simplified things. Every afternoon we came home to a jobs list. She wrote our names and our responsibilities down and we could check them off.

Mom was always creative. We’d turn the timer on the stove on and try to beat it. We’d have partners to work with. If we were really luck she’d put in a little surprise, like “eat a cookie” or “get a drink”. This way we never knew what we were going to get.

Now I have begun the task of teaching my own children to work. Our most successful attempt thus far, is the Saturday morning “JOB JAR”. I put little jobs on pieces of paper in a quart jar and they love drawing them out one at a time. We always work as a team because it makes things go quicker and I can keep tabs on what is happening.  Any little bit of encouragement can go a long way.

If there is anything I’ve learned from Mom, it is “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try (and try, try, try) again.”  Something will work. Not for very long, but it will sink in eventually.  Then you’ll try the same tricks with your own kids all over again

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Breaking the Monotony: Indoor Camping

A lot of times, when I find myself in a funk, it is because I seem to be doing the same things over and over. Change is good for me, I am one of those personalities that THRIVES on change. My husband? He could eat the same things every day, do the same things every day and be ok. However, when I start to get that way I get bored and depressed.

And I TELL. YOU. WHAT. I may have not been as affected by the quarantine business as much others because I live a fairly isolated life to begin with, but it is taking its toll. (BLESS YOU MOTHERS WHOSE LIVES HAVE BEEN TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN) Not only have we been confined TO our own house, but it has been raining for so long that we have been confined IN our house. No walks or yard work or playing outside. I have truly begun to feel very much quarantined and in a funk with little to look forward too.

The solution is quite simple though: change it up!

Before when this would happen, I could plan a date with the hubby, or a vacation in the future. This time, however, not only can I NOT plan outings, I had to cancel some I was very much looking forward too.

But I truly am on a mission to fight my down days. So I decided yesterday that instead of succumbing to the depression that was creeping in, I was going to do something fun today: INDOOR CAMPOUT.

(Ok, so the idea may have come when I needed a good bribe to get my kids to stay in their beds, but I was also motivated by the monotony).

Instead of all the work for packing up, finding a place to camp, or even setting up a tent in our backyard (which we couldn’t do anyway because it is so wet) we decided to just do it in the comfort of our own home. But we didn’t just put up a tent to sleep in, we decided to plan things to make the whole evening different and fun. It included:

  • Tin-Foil Dinners in the oven
  • Set up a tent in the kids room
  • Play the game: Camp
  • As well as Don’t Eat Pete
  • Finish off with oven s’mores, stories, and songs (we video called some family in for this part)

Now, the kids are still awake WAY past their bedtime and the house is a little messy but I think we made some good memories tonight! And if nothing else, today was different than yesterday.

For details and recipes, click below!

Tin Foil Dinner Recipe

Don’t Eat Pete Download

Oven S’mores

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PLAY: Storytelling/Narrative

Just in time to announce the children’s book giveaway winner! Check the social media pages!

This is one of my children’s FAVORITE ways to spend time! They love listening to any story and could read books forever.

Once they understand a story, it starts to come out in their play. They begin to create their own stories. It gives me such a glimpse into they way they view the world. Sometimes it’s a little embarrassing to see how they view “mom” 😬 (You know, when they are pretending to be mom and they start yelling at their kids).

The following is another excerpt from the National Institute for Play:

“Storytelling, the way most kids love to learn, is, when under the play microscope, identified as the unit of human intelligibility.

Making sense of the world, its parts and one’s particular place in it is a central aspect of early development. And as we grow, the constancy of stories that enliven and help us understand ourselves and others, from a parent’s telling how it was when they were young, to media-driven stories like Big Bird’s rants to Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon yarns; all involve us in a never ending fun-giving experience. They give us permission to expand our own inner stream of consciousness, enrich our personal narratives with pleasure and fun as our own life stories unfold. “What is the current movie of your life?” If it has comedic overtones, it is likely that your play quiver is more than half full.”

Every day is a great day to read to your children! It is a great day to tell them stories, both real and fictional. It is through these stories that we can teach them choices and consequences, right versus wrong, how to persevere.

This storytelling and narrative play is STILL important, and once again, a coping strategy for even us adults. In my darkest days, I have taken great comfort in stories I have heard of my ancestors. I have an incredible heritage of people who accomplished amazing things amid hardship. This past summer (2019) I spent some time at home when I was struggling with suicidal thoughts, and one of those days my grandma (who passed away shortly after this), out of the blue, began to read to me from her journal stories from her past, when she was a mother of young children, when she was depressed and how she pressed forward. That story is one I have leaned back on time and time again!

It really is hard to overestimate the importance of this pattern of play. I hope that you can incorporate it into your lives as adults as well as in the lives of your children!

Here are some great ways to include narrative play into your days:

  • Read books
  • Write books!
  • Perform a play
  • Create a puppet show
  • Take turns telling a story: you begin, have your child add, and keep taking turns until the end
  • Watch a movie and discuss what is happening both during and after the show
  • Discuss morals and lessons found in the stories you read/share
  • Read an excerpt from one of your journals
  • Create journals for your children’s own stories: if they are old enough, have them begin to write one, or start writing one for the kids that are too young

Today I was little late on everything, but it was because I myself had gotten into a book and just didn’t want to put it down! I am so glad that my parents instilled in me a love for stories.

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Nursing

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We’ve had some lazy days around here this week, first, thanks to the time change (which seemed to wipe me out, not my kids), and now thanks to self-quarantining. So I have spent lots of time in pajamas and thought I would share with you my most favorite nursing nightgown!

Things I love about it:

The fabric is amazing! Soft, stretchy, thick enough, and washes well. It is super comfy.

The cut makes nursing easy and discreet.

It is LONG. I had such a hard time finding a long nursing gown, one that I can sit crosslegged in appropriately. Also has short sleeves. I never felt like it was overly hot, but it keeps me warm when it needs to. Not sure how.

Click the link here or in my shop!

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Indoor Trampoline

Just over a year ago, we bought an indoor trampoline for our kids. BEST $80 SPENT. They love this thing! It fit just great in our 800 sq foot apartment, and our homes since then. When they are young enough, you can zip it up and it is a safe place. It is just as fun for my 4 year old now as it was for my 1 year old then. And it burns lots of their energy!

I feel like I talk about energy a lot. Am I the only one who’s children have seemingly endless amounts of energy?? I love it! But sometimes I can’t keep up, actually most times. This is why I am always on the look out for things that help them get it all out while I can sit by and enjoy it still.

This is great to entertain when you need to get stuff done, and it is nice to give children exercise should you be homebound for some reason, or if you are depressed and not in the mood to go out! And if they are jumping on the couch you can say: “Now where do we jump kids? Not on the couch, on the tramp!”

Also! It makes some pretty great huts.

Y’all should definitely check this one out! Find the link in my shop!

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The PERFECT game does exist!

A couple weeks ago, when I first ordered the purse storage, I received a notification saying that it had been “delivered” but the package I received was NOT what was ordered, but some small electronic box thing. (I still doing really know what it was). So I filled out all of the important papers to return it and get what I had actually ordered on its way.

Well, the next day I got a package! Yay! The right thing came!

NOT. As we opened it ONCE AGAIN, it was the wrong package.

At least, that is what we thought…until we saw a gift receipt in the box! My wonderful sister had sent us a package! She found this game and bought it for her almost 4 year old and she wanted to share it with us.

This is Spout & Spell, by Fisher Price. (Link is at end of this post or in the shop) To play this game, you roll the die, push the gold star on the whale the number you rolled, and then with the tiles he spouts out of his mouth you try and spell the letters on your cards. There are both three and four letter words on these cards.

WE LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH! It is great for kids of all ages. It is perfect for those who are learning to count, learning their letters, or learning to spell, but also fun for older kids. I enjoy playing it probably as much as my 4 year old! The rules are simple enough and the only skills required are counting and letter recognition, or even just matching.

Since I don’t put my daughter in preschool, I am always on the look out for ways to teach her letters and numbers. We have loved using this to help solidify the letter names. I can’t wait to use this when she begins to read and spell. This is a great tool to have!