September is National Suicide Prevention Month.
But to me it is more than that. 6 years ago today, one of my best friends Preston took his own life.
He was the first person I knew that had “clinical depression;” I can still remember where I was when he told me. He had grown up in our town until 7th grade when his family moved just over and hour away. Although I don’t remember how long after his move I got that phone call, I remember being surprised because he was one of the happiest people I knew! And, oddly enough, he remained that way all the years afterward.
Although he lived an hour and a half away, we remained close friends. We would call each other occasionally, I invited him to come to a dance with me in high school, he visited my family while I was gone at college, etc.
After our missions I married someone who knew Preston longer than I had and when we decided to go to school the same place he and his wife were going to school, we knew we were going to HAVE SOME FUN. And we did! We got together for games and movies and meals. The last text message I sent Preston was inviting him and his wife to play games with us for family home evening.
We got the news the next morning that he had taken his life.
I was so confused. I thought he had it under control. He had been on anti-depressants for YEARS at this point. He was newly and happily married to one of the best people in the world. We had laughed and had fun the last time we had gotten together. He had a whole life ahead of him.
It was such a foreign grief to me. I had never lost someone to something so tragic. I didn’t understand depression and how blinding it could be. I just couldn’t understand.
I never knew then that I would experience suicidal ideation. I could never have seen at that point in my life how my situation and experience would help me to understand him better.
I am grateful for the friend that he was and for his example of spreading joy to all those around him, even when there was so much darkness inside.
I am reminded of this quote: “Be the best parts of those who are gone.”
